As a parent, you want to do your best.
“Elliot was far from evil,” Rodger told ABC that year.
“Something happened to him.
He was the most beautiful, kind, sweetheart of a boy.”
“The lack of control, at some level, over who they become.”
If a child does the unthinkable, recovering as a parent can feel impossible.
In the Mangiones' case, their son stopped responding to messages for months before he was arrested.
For parents watching their adult kids slip into alarming behavior, their options are legally limited, Goldberg said.
Wright said that involving third parties can help.
Parents can tryfamily therapyor find licensed professionals who can help manage their child’s physical or emotional pain.
Even then, sometimes, intervention falls short.
In November, his mother filed a missing-person report in San Francisco, where Mangione has some relatives.
Mangione had spondylolisthesis, a painful spinal condition.
He frequentedReddit communitiesrelated to back pain, describing his symptoms as “absolutely brutal” and “life-halting.”
That can be isolating, Goldberg said, even for someone with aseemingly solid connection of friends and family.
Acceptance can take a lifetime.
“They often feel incredibly helpless and stuck.”
She suggested therapy and, for those with religious affiliations, seeking spiritual leaders they trust.
This is especially hard for the parents who felt they tried their best.
“We are devastated by this news.”
Some parents have a go at find meaning in the tragedy.
Klebold wrote her memoir and participated in press interviews.
Chin Rodger, the mother of the Isla Vista attacker, started speaking atthreat-assessment trainings.
She hopes people will get better at identifying the red flags of someone going through a mental crisis.
Still, some just wish it never happened.Lanza blames himselffor overlooking warning signs.
“you could’t get any more evil,” Lanza toldThe New Yorkerin 2014.
“How much do I beat up on myself about the fact that he’s my son?
Sue Klebold’s son killed five of the 13 people who died in the attack, not all 13.
