Vanderpump Rules
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As Bravo fans, weve had to watch so many half-empty parties with so many shitty themes.
So many parties have themes, but so few of them are life-altering.
No, not life-altering, life-creating.
This one has stakes; it has real implications, which are currently growing in Lalas supple young womb.
We are not merely at this party to squabble about missed invitations or forgotten apologies.
We are here to pick a mother(non)fucking father.
I dont know if this was Lalas or the producers idea, but I ate up every minute.
and you tell her yes or no.
You are influencing who her future baby daddy might be.
You, in some small way, are helping to decide.
I want my opinions to be heard.
Straight men have been unwillingly knocking up women since Eves first I have a headache.
Theyve done enough damage.
Let them sit around talking about their feelings with their painted nails and XL Talbots suits somewhere else.
The setup is great.
By the end of it bam!
And the party is tomorrow?
Come on, this whole thing is manufactured for television.
Yes, the one where Bethenny Frankel interviews Rachel.
We hear about it first in the filming of Scheanas video for the remake of the worlds No.
1 Uber Eats jingle, Good As Gold.
Its just like WWJD but longer and with more dance singles.
Scheana is upset that Rachel said she was paying rent when living with her.
Scheana is incensed about her linens and also that Rachel didnt buy her any pens or batteries.
While were on the subject of the big breakup, what is going on with Tom and Arianas house?
He says he may not want the house anymore after her two-month delay and most likely cant afford it.
He says this at Tom Tom in front of Logan, Arianas No.
1 gay, who dutifully reports it back to Mother.
That must be the frustrating part of this whole house thing for her.
Its time to ask: HDSMTAH?
She arrives at Arianas with Brock, a non-sentient Spam sculpture of Hercules, to clean the house.
Now that Tom has fired Ann, the house is a disaster.
Yeah, thats a plan, but dont you want to know whats in those boxes?
Dont you want to try on all those ASOS dresses?
Tom says hes upset that Rachel discarded him because he never got closure.
Fuck closure, James says.
Closure does not come from another person; closure comes from within.
If Tom wants this to be over, it can be over.
Im not opening for you at El Rey; Ive moved on to bigger and better things.
This is a joke to me.
I gotta go, bye.
Now, he just laughs and says he has to go.
Who is this person, and what did he do with our little rage monster?
Could he possibly be growing?
What he did was great, though.
No one has challenged Sandoval to his face so thoroughly or dismissed him so quickly.
However, were not quite finished with Sandovals stupidity in this episode.
But this is a terrible idea.
Do you want to spend the next several years of your life picking up Sandovals crusty socks?
That used to be a job for Ann, who is no longer allowed in the house.
But this isnt for fun.
This is the one, she types with about 18 exclamation points after it.
Okay, who is it?
I have no clue.
Most directors, sadly, arent that hot.
Is this Wes Anderson?
Im at a total loss.
What the hell tea does he have, and why is he not spilling it?
Does it have to do with Michelle cheating?
Because Lukes dissembling only gets worse as Jesse says he could never tolerate cheating.
Suddenly, this show isCrazy Days and Nights, and I have never loved it more.
