The White Lotus
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Living nightmares coming from inside the walls.
That was a comparatively urban version of island life.
But on Koh Samui, the menace has been ratcheted up to a squillion.
The avian chorus of the jungle canopy.
The lethal chop of the seas.
The ceaseless chattering of monkeys.
Theres no such thing as peace and quiet, not even in paradise.
Zions here, for instance, because his enlightened mother thought the stressed-out senior needed space to decompress.
His spirit guide stays low and scrambles to safety, but Zion is young and brash and conspicuously hunky.
And his mom is in the lobby where the shots are coming from!
Zion makes his way toward her, hesitating at a Buddha shrine to pray to Jesus for her safety.
Could she be the gunman?
On the other hand, to see the Uber-rich this close-up day after day, year after year?
Everyone has a breaking point.
Or perhaps those are defensive shots we hear?
Belinda staring down the barrel of a gun shes pointing at a monkey who has finally lost it?
He, too, has seen the Uber-rich this close up.
Its season three, baby.There are no rules!
Zions still pondering his next move when a body floats by him in the hotel moat.
(JK, I paused.
There are no clues.)
This, I think, is my favorite part of theWhite Lotusformula.
Meet the Ratliffs, a southern family with nice hair and okay manners.
They have three preppy, indifferent children Saxon, Piper, and little Lochlan, the youngest at 18.
He just sleeps better knowing hes armed with a chronograph and a tachymeter and the current time in Tokyo.
You wanna know the phase of the moon?
Saxons got a sub-dial for that.
Hes not really dressed for the tropics, but he wouldnt be out of place in a regatta.
Piper and Saxon are locked in battle for Lochys soul, and Lochy has chosen appeasement.
But unlike Piper (and me so far), he doesnt find every facet of Saxons personality detestable.
But the Ratliffs did not read the brochures.
Next on the ships manifest are Rick and Chelsea.
He smokes cigarettes too close to the Ratliffs.
Hes impossibly rude to his much younger girlfriend, who seems pretty cute to me!
Like Tim Ratliff, Rick appears to have ended up at a wellness retreat by accident.
Yeah, sure, okay.
Could Rick be bothered picking up a gun and killing her?
Or is she keen on the brawny bodyguards who work for the hotels owners?
Belinda isnt in Thailand on vacation, but now that shes on Koh Samui, shes suddenly feeling optimistic.
Shes living in a five-star resort; her job is to get spa treatments; her son is visiting.
Jaclyn (Michelle Monaghan) is a TV actor with a modest level of celebrity cachet.
(Khun Sritala is also Khun Jim Hollinger.)
She even assigns her most-requested health mentor, Valentin, to Jaclyns group.
(He gets requested because hes hot.)
Hes really big in Texas.
Carrie Coon lets just enough of Lauries umbrage show that her friends can reasonably ignore it.
And anyway, its all fine because these three ladies all lookgreat!
(Its just tweakments promise!)
Everyone misses each other so much.
Or whatever the previous person said, can you repeat it, I wasnt listening!
Everyone says they should do this more!
Everyone needs a drink or several!
Everyone knows that the very second they leave the room, they become the subject of the conversation.
Just when we think all castaways are accounted for, jilted Chelsea makes a new friend at the bar.
Its such a cliche that it wouldnt be interesting except weve met this particular LBH before.
He goes by Gary on Koh Samui, but he is none other than Mr. Tanya McQuoid,a.k.a.
Gregory Hunt, from the Bureau of Land Management!
but theres something very old and sorry about him, too.
And thats how one day in paradise falls off the calendar.
What will they have for breakfast when no ones around to bring them trays of precut fruit?
What if they feel like a green juice or a crystal bath?
Islands are uncanny places.
And yet, they couldnt be more vulnerable.
Mike White populates his island resorts with rich and powerful guests who believe that they make their own fates.
Its a conception that couldnt be more at odds with the principles of Buddhism that surround these castaways now.
That no matter how rich and powerful, no man is an island.
