The Valley
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Im beginning to think that Janet might be evil.
The episode starts, and everyone is still crying at Kristens James Mae T-shirt launch event.
Shes trying to ice out Kristen, who there wouldnt even be a show without.
Shes telling Zack, Its not a friend trip, its my babymoon.
Production paid for this, you have to invite everyone.
Thats the way it works.
But somehow, Janet got her way.
Do you think a producer lost their voice and now has legs because of it?
So is Janet having Simon text her from Kristens party so she knows what is going on.
Janet is evil, her gays are evil, and I am here for it.
Get Zacks gaggle and Simon and Jareds gaggle to go to war.
She has a tiny bit of sway, and she is wielding it, honey.
Then Janet tells him that her phone is about to die, so she hangs up with him.
Thats such a great move.
Im going to start answering my phone with that.
Jesse returns from his plant medicine journey wearing a slouchy knit cap.
You should avoid at all costs.
Jesse is talking about how hes a changed person.
I hate to tell you, bro, but that is just the comedown.
That is the drugs.
Janet then … immediately starts talking shit about Kristen.
Shes like Kramer with theIm outin that infamous episode ofSeinfeld.
on his middle-aged torso.
Everyone else is looking damn fine, though.
Speaking of tattoos, I am dying to know what the bad tattoo on Jesses neck is.
I bet its a Hootie and the Blowfish logo.
Wait, I thought Kristen said that she heard it from Jax, who heard it from Brittany?
Or did Brittany hear it from Jax, who heard it from Kristen?
They decide that someone has to take Michelle aside and let her know what is being said.
God, they hate each other.
Their marriage is like a sandcastle at low tide.
Its standing now, but give it a couple hours and that thing will be completely dissolved.
The only other people who might hate each other more than Jesse and Michelle are Jax and Brittany.
Its your child, Jax, and hes crying.
Arent you the least bit concerned?
Im sorry, but this is not a healthy relationship.
(Did we ever think Jax would have a healthy relationship?
Does James Kennedy shit in the woods after too many bumps of pasta?)
He tells Michelle that they need to have a little chat about what Kristen has been saying about her.
But then Michelle says, Shes right.
I have texted multiple people.
Other made-up words starting withG.
