It’s not that the members are bad people.
Plus, they’re not good musicians, which is the opposite of the chat’s point.
But again, she’s really trying to be nice.
“In this group, they have so clearly found theirpeople,” she says.
“I don’t hate these people.
I just hate being in their stupid group.”
And yet she can’t just quit.
For each member’s birthday, the group goes in on a gift together.
Her birthday was first, so she felt like she had to stick around for everyone else’s.
“I feel like I have to make a goodbye,” she says.
“I can’t ghost.
I can’t ghost.
It would be against the whole thing of the group.”
She spoke on the condition of withholding her last name for this story, for obvious reasons.
Many people, like Jess, also have at least one group chat theyreallyhate.
It’s not just a nuisance but a place that makes their blood boil.
Jess tells me our conversation has reinvigorated her commitment to leave her despised chat ahead of the new year.
She’s just got to think up her goodbye message first.
Thegroup chatis a complicated invention of our modern technological existence.
It can be a fun place: a spot for sending memes and gossip and life updates.
Group chats can also be wildly irritating.
And sure, you could mute it, but it’s still there, haunting you.
“Two is that you’re either in it or you’re out of it.
There’s not a graceful way to ease yourself out of it as there are with social relationships.”
But eventually everyone will notice and think you’re kind of a jerk for it.
And if you do engage, it can be tricky to ensure you get your point across.
Group texts, like all written communication, lack many of the cues of in-person communication.
There’s no body language, no vocal inflections or facial expressions.
It’s easy to misread intentions and meaning, good or bad.
“People fill in the blanks the way that they want to,” Birnholtz said.
If you think someone is attractive or a close friend, you fill them in in positive ways.
If you think someone doesn’t like you, you do the opposite.
“I feel so much better,” she says.
Still, Sharon won’t quit.
“So I just leave it there.”
At the same time, Sharon is filling in the blanks this way for a reason.
She’s just heart reacting away.
“It’s like, ‘Hey, are you all right?’
That’s about it,” she said.
“And if people can’t handle that, then that’s on them.”
“You let it accumulate, and then you just check in: Did I miss something important?”
“Disengage as your health demands, but keep the thread.”
It’s really nobody’s business to dig into what you’re too busy with.
“You simply leave without an announcement,” she said.
Not everyone has qualms about quitting their group chats, like Joe Cardillo, who has cleaned house lately.
“I just consider it healthy to think about what a good conversation feels like.
And if this isn’t it, then you’re like, I’m out,” Cardillo said.
Everybody seems nice, but it just isn’t their jam, and they’re scared to quit.
The person surmised that the friend’s husband saw the photo and “went nuts.”
you might say you have to go for a reason, or you might just walk away.
Who knows if they’ll even miss you?
Years ago, everyone quit a group chat I was in except for me and one other person.
It’s fun, and we’re still friends with the other people.
“They’re wonderful people,” she says.
“They’re just not my people.”
Emily Stewartis a senior correspondent at Business Insider, writing about business and the economy.
