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Spoilers follow forThe Traitorsseason three, episode nine, A Silent Assassin.
Ill admit, I did not see your banishment coming.
It was such an incredible experience.
So, it sucks.
WithSurvivor, it was different.
By the end of it, Yam Yam deserved to win.
With this, I thought I could win.
I guess thats what they say about expectations: Dont have them.
They leave you disappointed.
And truly, my heart was broken.
This was way harder of a loss thanSurvivor,because I felt like I was winning.
Its not like I got overly confident.
But in typical Carolyn fashion, I just couldnt hold it in anymore.
I wasdyingto just have fun.
And being in the turret with Danielle, it wasnt fun.
Peoples energies impact us.
I get that we all came for different reasons, but I just wanted to have fun.
Tell me more about your dynamic in the turret.
Things felt very tense between you.First of all, I wouldnt have gone after her.
Did I ever think it was going to be the two of us together at the end?
No, because shell be out way before me.
That was the thinking in my head.
I wasnt going to come for a Traitor unless it was absolutely necessary.
Working with her in the turret felt like a nightmare.
Its like something would switch in her.
I know I am not the best speaker sometimes.
It takes me a minute to process when you have someone talking to you the way she did.
I felt completely shut down and not heard.
It brings me to every time in my life where Ive been discounted or talked down to.
I would have to be like, What the heck?
What are you doing?
All right, Ill go with the flow.
I often felt like I was alone in there.
No ones hearing what I have to say.
I cant even describe to you the feeling in my stomach.
and then move on.
But I was so grossed out.
Its like,You must think I dont even have a brain.Girl, get out of here.
I didnt know what to do.
I wasnt sure I had the votes.
I couldnt even talk to anyone.
Do you really think I thought I could depend onTom Sandoval?
But I figured I had to go after her.
Shes way more suspicious than me.
Theres way more on her than me.
I just knew I couldnt go in the turret another night with her.
And I was dreaming of fun and butterflies and dancing around with Gabby.
You being shut down happened so much.
You have very good game-playing instincts, but people were not listening to you.
I can only imagine how frustrating that must feel.
It was like,Okay, I guess I just cant be super-loud at the roundtable.I was dying inside.
There was this thing inside of me fighting to get out.
That sounds really weird, but I was.
After thatCiara vote, I was like,What did I come here for?
But part of it, too, I want people to discount me.
I want people to underestimate me.
Theres strategy in this.Yes, but,hello, you might treat me with respect.
you’re able to talk to me like a person.
Youve spoken elsewhere about feeling a kinship with Tom because youre both weirdos …One hundred percent.
I didnt know who the hell Tom Sandoval was.
I dont watchVanderpump Rules.
Of course, everybody warned me: Thats Tom Sandoval.
Stay away from him.
Hes done some bad things.
And he opened up.
He shared his story.
He talked about his struggles.
Thats how I connect with people: by sharing and talking about your life.
He was real and open and honest.
There was this ganged-up group mentality that sees him as this monster of the universe.
My experience with him was not like that.
Hes quirky as hell.
Im the same way, so I can relate.
I would see the way people looked at him, and it pissed me off.
I was like,Leave him alone!All because he really was trying so hard.
He would be the fastest runner.
He truly was out there to investigate a damn murder.
But I told him, Stop trying so hard.
Theyre not listening to you.
They probably already have these judgments about you.
Fuck, Tom, just lean into your weird.
I dont have a filter.
I put it all out there.
you’ve got the option to tell when people are putting it on.
you’ve got the option to tell when people arent genuine or authentic.
So I was like, You know what, Tom?
You had sweaty pits that day.
People just completely discounted what he said.
He had valid points.
What he said mattered.
How they treated him I hated it.
Youre celebrated bySurvivor-heads, and nowTraitorsfans, for being emotionally vulnerable and underestimated.
To what extent are you aware that people are connecting and rooting for you?
How do you feel about that?Thats literally what inspired me to doSurvivor.
I wish they wouldve shown people fucking up more, because thats real life!
None of us are perfect.
I know Im not the norm.
Its kind of scary to do that, too, because we can get made fun of.
I never knew how Id be perceived onSurvivor.
Theyre going to be like, What is this person?
But I dont read all that shit.
