The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City
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Finally, its the episode weve all been waiting for.
I wouldnt ever write that word.
So its all worth it.
Speaking of that, this is where things start to get good.
What did you find out?
Are you kidding me right now?
Shut the fuck up.
Im trembling, Heather says via hot mic, and production springs into action, rushing into her room.
An unsolved mystery, if you will, she dramatically says before asking, Who is the real Monica?
She stands alone on the breezy beach, pensively waiting for the other women to arrive.
Shes summoned Whitney, Meredith, and Lisa there for a meeting of the O.G.s.
Its a scene right out ofBig Little Lies.
Monica is not who she says she is, Heather tells them.
Given that all the women instantly knew the name, they were familiar with this mysterious account.
But how exactly did Heather unshroud said mystery?
Much like Maria von Trapp, Heather starts at the very beginning, when she first met Monica.
Before that, she knew of Monica through their mutual friend Tenesha, who is Heathers hairstylist.
Then, right before they left for Bermuda, Heather made a discovery.
Now, cut to the DM scandal this trip.
As the group began litigating the messages sent to Monica and Meredith over dinner, everything started to unravel.
So maybe she did?
Tenesha told her that Monica was Reality Von Tease, and Tenesha was witness to it all.
I take it that whoever it is is at least one step up from Lisas cybersecurity team.
That account has annihilated all of us, Whitney says.
Heather tells them her plan to confront her at dinner and asks the other women to back her up.
(Which is kind of a perfect drag name when you think about it.)
At first, Monica doesnt react.
She sits there, blinking, before calmly saying, No.
Lisa calls her disgusting.
In Monicas confessional, we hear her perspective at a lower volume.
Von Tease was never just one person, she tells us.
It wasnt just me.
There were several other humans involved.
You wanna talk about howyoureinvolved with Reality Von Tease?
Monica asks her, a threat that makes Heathers jaw drop.
How was I involved?
Laughing at your stories?
But the group takes no comfort in this claim, saying that Monica deceived them for months.
I felt like I had to lie to protect her.
I took shit for the fact that … [dun dun dun!]
… she gave me ablack eye, Heather said, stopping the dinner in its tracks.
The other women are shocked.
After over a year, a mystery that has plagued the Bravoverse is finally revealed.
And Heather couldnt have chosen a better moment to finally expose the truth.
I had to ride hard for her, and I had to lie for her.
Were not gonna do it again for you.
And with those marching orders from our Mormon Padma Lakshmi, Monica leaves.
In her confessional, Monica tells us that she knew this secret would one day come out.
Even Gossip Girl couldnt stay Gossip Girl forever.
