The Real Housewives of Orange County
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On the night of the DUI, I drove to Johns house stupidly, Shannon tells us in confessional.
We got into a big argument, and he said, Youre a drunken idiot.
Dont get in your car.
And I lost control of the car.
This is the pattern.
God bless Shannon Beador.She has never had a good season on this show.
Yet she comes back.
Shannon always comes back.
We thank her for her service and hope she never smartens up.
This seems like its going to be her worst season yet.
She tells her three daughters (all gorgeous; wheres their reality show?)
that this is all part of Gods plan.
After the DUI, she went to a wellness retreat.
Is she actually Gwyneth Paltrows friend thatdiarrhea-ed all over the sheets?
Sounds like our Shan!
She also hasnt stopped drinking.
She tells Emily that she now has a two-drink maximum.
When Tamra hears this she says, What?
Snap, but also facts, no cap, gyat.
(I talk like a Gen Z now.)
Shes your friend until she isnt, but she cant just be quiet about Shannon.
She cant just let Shannon figure herself out and be friends with her again.
No, our Tammy Sue needs to make Shannon into an enemy.
That is not going to age well.
The way Gina deals with this is not understandable or relatable.
Since they cant afford a bigger house, Ginas solution is wait for it to get two separate houses.
Im sorry, but thats a demotion or getting passed over for a promotion.
(Thats how people still do it, right?)
Travis and everyone watching this knows as soon as he moves out, hes Dunzo the Clown.
Gina is also in the middle of the drama that is going on with Jen.
What would you even call that drink?
A Douchebag probably (which is also what Emily Simpson calls John Janssen).
She worries that theyll split up and shell have to find yet another home.
He tells her that she should be more positive and think things will go as planned.
What could go wrong?
I dont know; how aboutbeing involved in a huge Major League Baseball fraud scandal?
That could do it.
Things are much better for Emily Simpson, who got herself on Vitamin O and looks absolutely amazing.
What if these walls could talk?
Heather asks us and then tells us theyre tearing the house down to the studs.
I hope someone recorded the conversation between the walls because they are now silent.
Only Oprah Winfrey knows which.
Also, she and Tamra hate each other more than Joe Biden hates live debates.
I will say this for Alexis: she sure knows how to pick em.
One Housewife incident, no biggie.
But two famous ones?
You get the Rails Steakhouse Award for Contributions to the Reality Television Arts and Sciences.
I believe they met on QAnon message boards.
(Im kidding, but just barely.)
She says, When you get to know him like I do, youre going to love him.
Hes my Johnny J. Um, Alexis, they already do!
Theyve probably spent more time with him than she has.
Then he rebounds with Jesus Juggs herself?
Make it make sense.
Just retreat into obscurity where you belong, John Janssen.
I speak English, Spanish, and lips, Emily says.
(I love her.
Im sorry, I cant help it.)
But I think its Ginas read on the situation that is most revelatory.
That man worked them both and now theyre out there and they have to scrap?
Dont let a man get you down.
I also believe that Shan is more upset about John than the lawsuit, just as Alexis claims.
Where Alexis lost me, though, is in the way she fights.
First, when shes speaking and Shannon tries to say something, she says, Im talking now.
I let you talk.
Im sorry, you never win an argument on procedural grounds, and this makes me hate her.
What makes it even worse is thatAlexisis the one who storms off.
You cant show her the door and then leave yourself.
If you show someone the door you have to stand your ground and kick them out.
Shes thrown Shannon out plenty.
I think were going to have a fantastic season, especially if its horrible for Shannon.
