The Real Housewives of New Jersey
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OnTheReal Housewives of New Jersey, the subtext is now text.
All of the subliminal symbolism is now laid as bare as Teresas abdomen in aSizzle Tanscommercial.
Festivus came early this year!
Just as theyre about to go away, the house burns down.
Down to the studs, as Dolores says.
Now I guess Dolores will never get her gumbaya moment.
Oh, you think shes mispronouncing?
Not for Jersey, shes not.
Just as the words have morphed intofoccachandmozzarellso haskumbayachanged togumbayafor all the residents of the Garden State.
(Also, why didnt Dolores call up Dorinda Medley and borrow her house?
Teresa wants them to hear the truth about Margaret from the horses mouth.
The problem is James Leonard is not the horse.
In fact, he has nothing to do with the case.
We arent hearing it from the horses mouth; were hearing it from Teresas mouthpiece.
When Margaret finds out about this, she immediately calls Dolores and Jennifer right there from lunch.
The Tre Huggers and the ungenerous will think this is Margaret scrambling because she is about to get caught.
That could be true, but I think we also have to take Margarets declaration at face value.
Before Teresas big event, we get feuding guys nights at competing venues.
Thats the biggest difference between Joe and Luis.
Thats his actual self.
Luis is a guy who is trying to convince people of something that is not really him.
Then he has them all film devotionals to their partners, talking platitudes about how much they love them.
It all seems so fake, so phony.
Just like Teresas stunt with the lawyer, it feels put on for the camera.
Finally, everyone arrives at Teresas to sit down with her lawyer and get the big reveal.
No, thats not what happens here.
Going through connotes suffering from events beyond your control a death, an illness, an accidental injury.
Teresa and Luis are not experiencing anything that isnt a result of their own actions.
It seems as if Luis and the ex were suing each other quite a bit back and forth.
Then Teresa preps everyone for a revelation that will make your head spin.
Its not the smoking gun that Teresa thinks it is.
There are a few scenarios here, none of which Im mad about.
These are the tools that they use against one another.
If Teresa is upset at how Marge acts, maybe she shouldnt be employing the exact same tactics.
This is a game of mutually assured destruction, and the only people who benefit are us.
These tactics are what differentiate Jerz from the rest of the Housewives.
Its all about exbest friends, ex-lovers.
Its about lawsuits and gag orders.
Its about warmed-over rumors from people weve never met who definitely have axes to grind.
I want to fight about Larsa Pippen telling everyone Guerdy Abraira has cancer onMiami.
I want to fight about whether Kyle Richards is keeping her lesbian relationship secret onBeverly Hills.
I want to fight about whether Jenn Pedranti can pay her bills onOrange County.
This is the road to neither clarity nor enlightenment.
It is a funeral flower arrangement with a card that reads, Dear Teresa and James.
Sorry for the loss of your dignity.
This is petty bullshit.
