The Golden Bachelorette
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THE GOLDEN CIRCLE IS COMPLETE.
On one hand, this was an extremely unsurprising and undramaticBachelorfranchise finale.
The finale is, as always, live.
What if weSeven Brides for Seven Brothersd this situation and they all got married?
I would pay to see a Jack and Kathy wedding.
Joan is having someintensefeelings about this the following day, as would anyone, perhaps??
verify she mentions its a Windstar Cruise.
Joan feels like she is unlovable and wont end up with anyone.
I truly cannot imagine the pressure on a person at this point of the show.
You start out with 24 options, and then it gets winnowed down.
What if you choose incorrectly and are humiliated on national television?
Basically, these tears make sense.
Fortunately, Nancy is back for more hugs.
Why couldnt Nancy have been there all along?
Dont make people go through this with no one but Jesse and the invisible producers!
Who hasnothad this conversation with their crying friend?
Dont do that; dont give them that power.
They should be crying over YOU.
Its very relatable, is what Im saying.
So then its time for Chock and Guy to meet Joans kids.
Khakis, the finer gentlemans travel pant.
Two of Joans four kids are in Bora Bora: her son and daughter and their partners.
Im so sorry, this is fucking weird.
Thats the kind of thing villains say.
All my plans will be imperiled if the children suspect my true motives, the villain villained villanously.
Also, Ive been saying it since week one, but I donttrust you, Chock.
Im sorry, sir, arent you like 30?
A real Hail Mary pass from Nick at the end of the visit.
Chock sits Joan down and gives her a present.
Even though I do not like you, that sways me quite a lot.
He tells her he wants to marry her, and Joan looks very excited.
Of course she does!
The next day, Guy is supposed to meet the kids.
Theres a torrential downpour, which he says wont keep Joan and him from having a bright day.
Hes so optimistic and just really looking forward to seeing Joan.
And now she has to break up with Guy during a rainstorm in a hotel hut in Bora Bora.
This is very nice of her.
Guy cries and they hug and aghhhhh.
Ive ragged on Joan for her listening skills, but this wassuch a good response.
At that moment, I was like,Damnnnn, well done, maam.
He walks her out and stands therein the heavy rain.
At the live part of the episode, we see Guy backstage watching all this.
Dont make him watch that!
He has to go talk to Jesse Palmer and not just cry the whole time!
He comes out, and he looks GREAT.
Look at his suit.
Also, theres that whole restraining-order thing.
He tells Jesse that he was convinced he was the guy (and a Guy!)
and didnt expect the breakup at all.
She keeps referring to the timing of the show and how the timing was wrong for them.
If I were Chock, I would not enjoy this conversation.
Who helped Charles understand his wifes final moments?
Who is the only one who sang Mansion Men with Kim?
Who tried to get Chock to not be a dick at the bowling alley?
Well, here we are.
We go back to the pretaped portion, and since Guy is gone, its just Chocks proposal.
This is when I really started zoning out.
In the final part of the finale, Joan and Chock come out to be interviewed.
Chock must be taking tanning tips from somehighly visible figure, because he is pure orange.
He talks about how classy Joan was on the show, and Im unsure what hes defending her from.
WE KNOW, JOAN.
You have no poker face.
Jesse says theyre both glowing, but thats just the orange.
If these observations feel all over the place, they are!
This finale was pretty hodgepodge.
Why are we talking about this?
Theres a football statue next to Jesse?
He gives a shout-out to Tianas Bayou Adventure and Slinky Dog Dash.
Unless theyre different than the Product Integration Person, in which case, fire both of them.
It symbolizes being alone.
Anyway, cheers to a predictable but unsatisfying ending to the season!
