The Golden Bachelorette
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To be honest, I frequently drop out of aBachelorseason around this point.
But maybe shell surprise me and pick Pascal.
I know spoilers are out there, but I assiduously avoid them so I can toss around theories.
Speaking of Pascal, hes walking around in white cotton underpants.
Its just … its just a lot.
Maybe we switch up our underwear game for the nationally televised show.
Whatever, Pascals not going to listen to me; he has some laundry to not do.
So many men in muted colors.
As with all formerBachelorparticipants who arrive to dole out advice, Trista tells Joan to be more vulnerable.
The first date card goes to Keith.
Its a classic helicopter date, and they fly to a vineyard.
Theyre greeted by married hippies.
Tell me the woman hippie doesnt remind you of Catherine Keener inGet Out.
Hometowns means no immunity cards!
Keith should be worried, because he and Joan have zero chemistry.
Jonathan, Jordan, Guy, and Chock are on the group date, which is bowling.
What Im saying is this date is a nightmare masked as a fun activity.
you could tell by how tense everyone gets.
This is the attitude the villains have on the regularBachelorseasons!
Is this how they act in Wichita, sir?
Mark gets the other one-on-one, which is good because the producers have definitely been saving him for last.
But hes handsome and tall, which are the main requirements.
The date is fine.
They go on a boat.
Joan, I do like you, but sympathy faces are not part of your skill set.
How did someone not put up a sheet or something??
She is your STAR.
He says good-bye to his friends in the house, and they cry.
Pascal says Mark was his best friend, which is extremely cute.
Okay, so its rose ceremony time.
My guess at this point was that Guy and Pascal were on their way out, which wassuper wrong.
WORDS FOR MEN TO LIVE BY.
), Chock, Guy (!
), and Jordan all get roses.
Jonathan and Keith are gone!
So maybe Jonathan will be the next Golden Bachelor!!
Both of which are ridiculous because we all know it should be Charles.
And one person will be pushed into a chocolate river.
10 Points:To Pascal for being the only person to not care about bowling.
Gold Star:To Mark for being really wonderful when he was dumped.
Thumbs-Up:To the guys who cried when Mark said he was leaving.
Pushed into a Chocolate River:Pascals choice of underpants.
