The Golden Bachelorette
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Would you do Pascals laundry?
I hear hes paying a hundred dollars.
The men have officially moved into the mansion so they can see their sleeping arrangements.
Jack is hyped about the bar next to the pool.
Someone sees the bunk bed and says, This is special, which is probably what I would say.
Charles L. finally volunteers because, of course, he does.
You deserve it, Charles.
These eight men are going to PROM with Joan, and they all get to pick out hideous tuxes.
Keith says he feels like a magician, which is very self-aware of him.
The only one who truly looks amazing is Gary, who has opted for the gold tuxedo.
But even that is okay because they gotTaylor Dayne to sing.
Did I know who she was before the12-minute Taylor Dayne joke by Tig Notaro?
But now she is famous to me.
And also to all the people who love her music.
And definitely to Tig Notaro.
Joan chats with the men, and I admit she and Mark are cute.
Gary is Tina Turners godson??
Bob then makes the episode by saying Thanksgiving at his house is now Dr. Bob and 27 lesbians.
Someone is definitely bringing homemade hummus to that event, and its probably really good.
He says it destroyed his ego and that this night has meant a lot to him.
Thats really nice, Jonathan!
I wish you were wearing a shirt under your tux!
Charles L. is sitting on the sidelines, and I need someone to go talk to Charles.
CHARLES, I LOVE YOU.
The way this prom works is that Joan names a Prom King, and he gets the group-date rose.
Im happy for him.
I also want to see Charles win Prom King and have everyone cheer for him.
Then, he smiles a little and tells his daughters about it later.
We have two other dates in this episode, so we gotta move on.
Im not a Disney adult, but Im notnota Disney adult.
Meaning I will very happily go to Disneyland without any kids.
Kids slow you down!
Bored of what?Whimsy?
Also, his name is Chock.
Chock tells Joan he spends a lot of time in Florida.
I bet you do, Chock.
They both love to fish, and Joan is extremely psyched about this date.
She is having a great time with Chock, somehow.
Joan feels really connected to Chock, and he gets a rose.
Were off to the second group date, which is the Golden Talent Showcase.
Kim is ready to go because he has a song all prepared.
The guest judge is Loni Love, to which I say yesssssssss.
She looks amazing and says she hasnt seen good-looking guys like this since she was in Cleveland.
Jack tells us to googleShari Lewiss puppet show, which is good advice.
Kim and his giant digital watch are bummed.
Instead of a cocktail party, we have a barbecue on the pool deck.
Pascal and Jack offer their opinions on cooking, and frankly, I trust them.
Pascal is French, and Jack runs a catering company!
But they are framed as Nosy Nicks, and were supposed to scorn their advice.
No one goes in the pool but Jack, who is having a great time.
Joan has one-on-ones with everyone, including Gil??
I thought the show was mostly cutting him out due to the restraining order.
Why do we see this conversation about how much his wife loved,The Bachelor?
Someone I dont want any time cut from, though, is Gary.
I do not see them ending up together, but I love that they have nicknames now.
Joan says he can and shouldve asked for it sooner.
Mark says its funner to ask in German.
Okay, so who is going home this week?
So we lose Michael, Bob, Christopher, and JACK.
He starts singing My Way again and is joined by Christopher.
Jack tells us, Twas a slice.
ILL MISS YOU, JACK.
And one person will be pushed into a chocolate river.
10 Points:To Bob and his Marina Peninsula Home for Wayward Lesbians.
Gold Star:To Charles L. for every moment hes on screen.
Pushed into a Chocolate River:GIL, DONT HARASS WOMEN.
