The Bachelor
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shouted Carolina.I dont know who Grant will choose, but it wont be one of these bambinas!
From start to finish, it was The Carolina Show, guest starring Dina and Sarafiena.
Jesse starts the episode by asking Should we start spilling some tea?
Her pocket on the front of her blazer says, Whats your question?
and the back of her blazer says, Crazy and Evil.
The montage of the season gives us a few previews of the drama well be unpacking tonight.
Also, shoutout to Zoe for being an early-season villain who makes it to the Fantasy Suites!
Ladies, I need you to be so for fucking real.
Sarafiena said that her comment about Zoes dress was the worst thing shes ever said.
Sarafiena … cmon Sarafiena … weve all been girls in the ninth grade.
Weve all been on a three-way call that could be held against us in court.
But thank you for apologizing.
She asks who hadnt kissed him by that point and over half of the women raise their hands.
Well … shefeltlike she was one of the only ones.
HE, TOO, MUST BE HELD RESPONSIBLE!!!!
BRING ME HIS HEAD!
Carolina … what the shit are you talking about!!
Carolina makes it really, really hard to root for her.
Because in so many of these conversations, shes got a point!
Itisfucked up if Grant said he was thinking of Rose when he was dancing with Carolina!
That would be really tough!
Youre making it so much worse!
Which all happened on-camera.
Dina finally says, I bought you another week in Madrid.
There should be an entire newThe Good Wifespinoff dedicated to Dina slicing down defensive divas.
At this point, Carolina walks off the stage as Alexe is getting introduced for her hot seat.
Every hot-seat moment and every question of Where did it go wrong?
is incredibly boring because every woman who was eliminated was blindsided and was shocked they were going home.
If that is happening, something has gone very wrong.
Alexe said it, Sarafiena said it, and Dina kind of blamed herself for their relationship ending.
And Grant validating everyone regardless of the status of the relationship isnt a sign of emotional intelligence.
Some highlights of the hot seats: They bring out Linda the Llama for Alexe.
This shows a maturity that is frankly unheard of onThe Bachelor.
Like pants worn as an off-the shoulder top.
It had a button and a waistband.
What the fuck is happening over at Revolve?
Dina not letting her baby-blue pumps off Carolinas neck is amazing.
Dina woke up and put on those tiny little glasses and said, Court is in session.
What did he clock, and when did he clock it?
I need everyone to grow up.
Which is a valid point!
Dina says that she was worried she didnt make him comfortable enough to have that conversation with her.
Dina, sweetie, dont take that on.
But again, this is a masterful cross-examination question designed to make Grant trip over his words.
Carolina says she had been getting a lot of validation from him but he clocked something.
Dont put that on us.
Sarafiena says, We didnt even hate you!
I would love two specific examples, Grant.
Dina, your witness.
Then Jesse and Grant do chubby bunny and I gotta be honest, I fast-forwarded.
Everyone involves says it was a misunderstanding.
Well, that all amounted to absolutely nothing!
Parisa lightly sautees herself in the sun with olive oil.
Grant cant say Edinburgh.
No one can say any word over two syllables.
And Carolina deeply smells Grants armpits.
Were due forThe Bachelorto start featuring fetish content and if this is how it happens, Im down.
Zoe says she doesnt know anything about him??
Juliana is still saying shes broken (but in a cute-baby-doll kind of way)???
These final two episodes look absolutely chaotic.
Jesse says its one of the most shocking endings inBachelorhistory and I do not believe that AT ALL.
