The Bachelor
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Its a time-honored tradition to hand out the Gold Key to the Fantasy Suite.
Im your host and MC for the night, coming to you live from my bathrobe.
This is my 40th time hosting these awards, and its a pleasure every year.
So, lets get this show on the road!
And hey, lets give it up for Ryan Gosling!
Ryan Gosling, everyone!
Hell perform a medley of songs fromThe Bachelor: Listen to Your Heart.
Lets get into it.
First up is Rachels Fantasy Suite date.
She seems to be fitting into the Emotionally Delayed Best Friend Spot.
Still, their main story line is about how slowly the feelings are developing between them and the lead.
(An amazing previous performance in this role is Eric from Rachel Lindsays season.)
Rachel reveals that both of her serious relationships have ended because her boyfriends cheated.
I WOULD HAVE LOVED TO HEAR THAT EARLIER!
Her day date with Joey is a metaphor wrapped in an analogy, draped with a liability waiver.
Somehow, Rachel hits her head and totally hurts her jaw.
What a shame right before Fantasy Suites.
They head to the hospital together where she gets an X-ray and a clean bill of health.
I can see Rachel and Joey as a couple if they met in the real world.
They have a Hawaii connection!
Congratulations on your Golden Key, Rachel!
Our next category isBest Emotional Manipulation by a Supporting Actress.
And the nominees are …
Leslie.
How could they do this to Kelsey?
If this was your relative, this would not be helpful!
Let that color every interaction you have with Joey.
Happiness is a facade and joy is fleeting!
Thankfully, Kelsey won the jury prize forBest Chemistry With a Lead Actor.
When Joey looks over at Kelsey and says, I like your hair when its all crazy.
So throw Gen-X women into the pile as being healed by Joeys adoring gaze.
He didnt want to leave New Orleans.
That is the feeling you should be chasing.
I do love you, Joey!
Joey tells her that hes falling in love with her fully and hes been feeling it for a while.
Im all in on these two!
Its time for the Golden Key for theWeakest Attempt to Implement Advice.
Its time for Daisys Fantasy Suite date and … Yall, I guess.
For all the talk of Rachel being reserved, I feel like Daisy is similarly reserved.
It seems like shes just as in her head as Kelsey, but shes gotten there on her own.
We dont know if theyre banging in there, and there are almost no hints about it.
Its not good or bad, but its undoubtedly different.
Again, this is a very Bachelorette story line about being seen as The Role and not The Person.
She tells him that falling in love with him is fun, but am I mistaken?
Does she not actually say shes in love with him at this moment?
This might be the game.
This sends Joey into a spiral as he waits for Kelsey to come to talk to him.
How could this possibly end with Kelsey staying in the competition?
Its time for the final awards of the night, and theyre superlatives!
Most Likely to Be the Bachelorette:Daisy!
Most Likely to Win:Oh my God, whats this?
How is this possible?
Youre only supposed to vote for each person once, you guys!
Most Likely to be Alis Vote forThe Bachelorette:Rachel!
That breakdown was the perfect intro montage and emotional backstory.
Do it, ABC.
Biggest Underdog:Kelsey!
Thats our show, folks!
Grab some (overrated) In-N-Out on the way home.
See you at the after-party (The Women Tell All) next week.
