The Bachelorette
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like open your exam books and pick up your pencils.
Its time for your AP Bachelorette Language & Composition open-book final exam to begin.
You will have 45 minutes to write an essay answering the above question.
Use appropriate grammar and punctuation in communicating your argument.
Your time starts now.
What the hell is going on with this season?
Devin is freaking out so much he wants to leave?
Marcus is telling Jenn that hedoesnt love her?Jonathon getting eliminated?
And what makes this episode so difficult to watch is that Jenn has ceased to make sense to me.
Shes in love with Marcus?
Not that he isnt falling for her.
Its just that hes not in love with her.
Honey,noooooo.When did this happen?
Lets get into …
… Im sorry, actually, not yet.
I need to say that Im not rooting for Marcus.
Is anyone rooting for Marcus?
Jonathon, and I cannot emphasize this enough, was eliminated this week.
Someone inParadiseis going to get the deal of the century.
Okay,nowlets get into it.
They sit down and go through the remaining contesticles.
She basically doesnt know how to operate in a relationship like this.
And it seems like Devin is someone who processes all his emotions out loud all the time.
The guy is a yapper, which, in any other context, would be amazing.
They perch near a waterfall and have the same conversation they will have for the rest of the episode.
JUST LISTEN TO HER!!!
Someone get this man aBachelorette to Real Speakdictionary, because shes saying shes in love with you.
Theres a morning yoga class on the north lawn.
Put some clothes on.
Up next is her date with Jonathon.
This man is green flags all around, and I just know hes not long for this world.
They go to a market and stop by a Hawaiian doughnut stand with some truly amazing flavors.
What I think is happening is, again, Jenn has never had a relationship grow from a friendship.
There really are two Americas.
Girl, if you dont want him … Jenn leaves the Fantasy Suite wearing an L.L.Bean 100 percent Pima cotton nightgown and Wicked Good slippers.
A moment of appreciation for Jesse, who has been taking the contesticles golfing to talk about their feelings.
Ive gone through a full emotional journey with Jesse, and hes got the best gig in America.
Whatever theyre paying him, hes earning and enjoying every penny.
Its time for Marcuss emotional non-arc.
Is Marcustryingto get eliminated?What is the strategy here?
Im unsure what this guy is bringing except a haircut that can only be described as adhering to regulations.
Marcus and Jenn head out on a boat to go see the spirit of Moanas grandma.
Has there been something I missed?
WHERE IS THE CHEMISTRY?!
He tells Jenn that hes not in love with her.
Im not in love with you.
Reader, I would throw up!
I would be ILL.
If it ends with Im not comfortable saying that Im in love, sorry, thats a breakup.
Baby girl, you did not have to get it off your chest!
Then she offers him the Fantasy Suite card??!?!?!!!!
Thats no longer a guy youre dating; thats a former associate youre no longer dating!
A million times yes!!
and jump up and down.
Were gonna keep workshopping that one.
This is the show!
She cant fully reciprocate!
But shes telling you!!
She says, I dont know what I would do without you.
Devin, I do you love, you freakin idiot.
I think these crazy kids have a shot.
Its time for the rose ceremony, and the only man without an I love you is sent home.
Thank you to the crowd for delivering the biggest gasp in the world for Jonathons elimination.
See you next Tuesday for THE SHOCKING FINALE!
This Jenn is activated, locked in, and ready to fucking play.
This is a messier, angrier, and more mindful Jenn than we got the whole season.
Its savage and clearly from a very real place.
If he does go, I hope hes a night-one elimination.
Also asking for feet content at 7:39 a.m. in the morning!!
Grant finally got theBachelorintroduction he DESERVED, and you might hear theBachelorproducers begging, kindly!
Apply to be on his season!!
Im excited about a Grant season because he said his preseason training involved working on his emotional intelligence.
After Joeys season, WE ARE NOT GOING BACK (to clueless Bachelors wreaking havoc).
This years Night One Eliminee who WILL BE HEARD goes to Ricky.
Best Nickname: My Little Medium King
