Survivor
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There are two tracks that everySurvivorepisode in the new era takes: The Game and The Dream.
You know,Survivor.
If Im being honest, this is one dream I would like to wake from.
Were people who applied to be on their favorite reality show happy when they got selected?
Add this to the ever-growing list of things that drive me crazy about Jeff.
In every single premiere, he does this.
You there in the orange shirt, he says.
Jeff, we know you know who they are.
Why are you pretending?
We learn absolutely nothing from these questions Jeff asks.
But this is one of the most diverse shows on television.
Chrissy just says she was on the couch and decided to give it a shot.
As John Oliver says,cool.
Why are they pushing people to apply?
Is there some kind of casting crisis onSurvivor?
Jeff is always saying, Millions of people applied andyouwere selected.
Why are you trying to illustrate to your audience how awesomeSurvivoris?
Weve been watching this M-er F-er show for forty M-er F-er eight seasons now.
Give The Dream a rest, and let us watch The Game.
Thats what they do with a challenge to win camp supplies.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
For the past several seasons, the challenge has been either a puzzle or a physical test.
This tribe chose to send theinjuredplayer to something that might be a physical challenge.
These dreamers are still dreaming, but the alarm is going off.
He gets his machete and opens a coconut to get out a key to unlock it.
But then Kyle is going so fast that his pot breaks the water jug.
Its over for him.
Why?!Why?
The fact that hes lying to them from the beginning.
This is notThe Traitors.
No one is forcing him to hide his identity.
The fact that he wore a costume is on him, and its stupid.
You get no sympathy for unforced errors.
Most of the episode, of course, is spent getting to know the tribes.
Im taking an immediate liking to Thomas, a fellow mustachioed homosexual with no physical prowess whatsoever.
This is the representation Ive been needing on this show.
The Dream has awakened within me.
Thomas finds an immediate connection to Bianca, and they decide to work together.
Kevin links up with Mary and they decide that theyre going to be besties.
What is up with all of these people just deciding on their alliances within 30 minutes of meeting?
On romance shows likeThe Bachelor,viewers are always saying, How can you be in love?
Youve known each other for two weeks.
This is theSurvivorversion of that.
What if the person is wildly erratic?
What if they lie to everyone?
I think they should give it an afternoon, at least.
They just decide that theyre going to be each others ride or dies.
You dont even know this mans last name.
How can you choose that?
But Eva, who is autistic, does something to form a bond with Joe.
She has him demonstrate squeezing her hands to practice.
Meanwhile, her social game may be the best so far.
She forged a deep and meaningful bond very quickly, and that is the true currency ofSurvivor.
There is an argument about whether or not people should be playing or forging bonds over at Vula.
Shes not wrong, but no one wants to listen to you talk about Reiki, sister.
It comes with a code of six numbers in different colors, but the lock isnt numeric.
Sai shows her prize to all the guys, hoping theyll help her decipher it.
Oh, so the production crew aremembers of the Beyhive.
Anyway, Sai finally gets it and retrieves her idol, but she didnt need all of that help.
Why isnt anyone keeping any of these hidden immunity idols hidden?
Back at camp, there are two different camps (he-he).
Sai and Cedrek want Stephanie to go because she sucks at puzzles.
Stephanie and Mary want Sai to go because shes playing too hard and cant be trusted.
Well, I live in a city, so I cant see the stars, but whatever.
The best way to playSurvivor, as Kevin points out, is somewhere in the middle.
You need alliancesandadvantages, the socialandstrategic games to go far.
I think not knowing that will be to both of their detriments.
