Southern Charm

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And how many times will Madison (rightfully) gloat?

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How many times will Taylor giggle under her breath that Shep is finally getting the karma he deserves?

How many times will Rodrigo and I make out in our speedos in the Bahamian sun?

The episode starts with Shep and Sienna talking about their relationship in his suite.

She tried to do the right thing, and Shep stopped her.

Like a tacky embroidered belt at dinner, its on him, not her.

(How did the Rock get into the shirt?

Her modest response is, I never knew you were thinking like that.

Yeah, shes glad so that she can run in the complete opposite direction.

As soon as the guys meet Sienna, they know what is up.

Craig says, I watch enough90 Day Fianceto know that it just didnt feel right.

I cant believe Paige did the Lords work by getting this man into trashy reality shows.

Can she doLove Islandnext?

When Shep and Sienna arrive at dinner, Austen takes Shep to the bar to discuss what happened.

Oh, but wait!

We have the footage of what actually happened.

Shep asks Sienna if she missed him, and she says, Ill see.

Oh man, that is a devastating blow.

This was not that.

This was so cold that the camera crew all got a free cryotherapy treatment.

Then Shep says that he missed her, and she says, Im sure you do.

Oh, the Catholic Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.

Sienna says, Am I playing?

Or am I hard to get?

But Sienna keeps dodging the questions about if they are or if they were together.

Its over, but the sex was good.

As Shep approaches the table, Sienna tells everyone that theyre both noncommittal and that that works for them.

(A deep cut for the poetry fans!)

She might as well have called it a stomach f-ache.

Yes, Shep is now behaving just like a 21-year-old communications major at the College of Charleston.

No, Shep was up early texting Sienna.

[First cringey sound effect] Heres hoping you understand my feelings and exalt them.

I dont feel this way almost ever.

Okay, thats the end of my TED Talk.

[This is a test of the emergency broadcast system.

Deadly levels of cringe have been detected.

c’mon evacuate the area immediately.]

When Craig gets up, Shep reads it to him, too, and itseven longer.

The editors have trimmed some of it out!

Could you imagine if you were over a guy and got that text from him?

Shep isnt getting anywhere close ever again.

Craig says to him, Your sentiment is nice, but its a good try.

This isnt an extra credit assignment or an unwanted job offer.

This is a relationship, and she shouldnt take it on; she should dump Shep.

She also wants Craig and Austen to get along so she can stop hearing about their fight.

As for Shep, well, he looks downright dejected and absolutely heartbroken.

I dont want him to feel like a jackass for going after Sienna.

We should all do that.

If theres someone you like, tell them.

If you want to send a cringe text, send a cringe text.

Its just the natural thing to do.

Shep tried, he really, really did.

And he shouldnt feel like an ass for that.