RuPauls Drag Race
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Its times like these that I remember why I loveRuPauls Drag Race.
Also a colossal failure?All Stars 9.
Its a lot of bad energy to overcome.
And you know what?
Reader, I laughed!
Something that happened rarely, if at all, in those terribleAll Starsseasons in 2024.
Still, Im choosing to be optimistic!
So lets get started, shall we?
Lets meet the girls.
Lexi LoveOne of my favorites so far this season walks in first, dressed as a Victorias Secret Angel.
Her entrance line is fine, but her confessional opener (I put the whore inhormones) is better.
Lexi Love is not one of them.
JoellaUp next is Joella.
Katy Perry stan, but I will say that I dont think it hurt her chances.
She is … fine.
She talks like a parody of a reality-TV contestant.
Her entrance look is very polished and not at all try-hard I would expect Kori to go far.
Lydia B. KollinsLydia B. Kollins is up next, doing Winona Ryder drag.
RuPaul loves that her middle name is Butthole, so thats good for her.
ArriettyNext in is Arrietty, who does elf drag by whitening the triangle between her eyebrows to the extreme.
She is confident, which is good.
The combination of the name and the entrance line made me almost immediately write her off.
Then she went Ding!
a bunch of times while posing, and I got back onboard.
In fact, I think Jewels is significantly savvier and funnier than she has any right to be.
Lana JaRaeLana JaRae, daughter of Luxx Noir London, is up next.
She is the sole New York queen in the bunch, which, as a resident, surprised me.
Only one this year?
Is she just joking?
Anyway, Lana looks great, but shes a pretty laid-back personality, which may be tough.
Sam StarSam Star, daughter of Trinity the Tuck, is the next queen in the room.
Shes extremely pageant and extremely southern.
Do not love her eyebrows.
Suzie TootThen its Suzie Toot.
I adore Suzie Toot and her stupid name.
Its like Betty Boop but bad.
Ill talk more about her lower down, but I expect big things from Miss Toot moving forward.
Hormona LisaRus handpicked queen from her book tour, Hormona Lisa, is the next one through the door.
Crystal EnvyThen its Crystal Envy, whom Im having a tough time getting a read on.
Shes kind of what I worried Jewels would be (basic).
Shes just a little … nondescript so far.
Need to see more.
Its just not great, and the blush is tough.
Did Dolly Parton ever call anythingtubular?
Lucky StarzzzFinally, its Lucky Starzzz, who I think is just great.
Shes got a big personality, huge looks, and, it appears later, some performing chops.
To this, I say, Uhhh … sure, whatever, cool.
Its made even better when Ru announces that the girls will get tochoosewhich group theyre in.
No surprise, Kori King takes the lead doling out the weeks.
More people want to perform in the second week than the first.
Everybody remembers Willow Pill and Kornbreads season-14 performances, but Angerias Talent, check!
number doesnt ring the same bell.
Lydia B. Kollins eventually relents and agrees to perform in the first week.
I found this to be a bad segment.
She is not very good at seeming genuine.
Also, a lot of the girls share very intimate details about their lives and traumas.
Not as into that.
Then they talk about drag families, and Lexi says she will smoke and toke those nepo babies.
Im gonna go through these pretty quickly because intro episodes are alot.
Acacias snowman is kind of ugly, but I liked the blush this time.
Joellas is a style that I hate: things plastered onto a bodysuit.
That is an insane description, but also … she nails it.
Arrietty does a macabre bridal-elf look, and it looks great.
Lydias alien look doesnt really work for me neither weird enough nor glamorous enough.
Lucky Starzzz dresses as a pizza, and it is awesome.
Suzie Toot is a coin, then takes it off and pisses off Michelle with her makeup.
I love the makeup!
I like that it looks a little ugly!
Kori King is a ginormous raven, and it looks polished and grand.
Hormona is a skunk but says she does wear deodorant.
Lexi Love dresses as the MTV Moon Man, and its impressively proportioned given how puffy it is.
Lana is a sleek cat.
Sam Star wears a very polished, cloud-themed look that is also gay-themed.
Okay, on to performances.
Almost everybody lip-syncs to an original song, because thats what you do.
For a while, I was mad about this.
Now, Ive come to accept it.
RuPaul wants it to be like this, and, by now, the girls do, too.
The results at the end of the episode bear this out.
Its the best ponytail-flipping since Sasha Colby.
She has complete command of the stage, and Im glad it looks like she did her own vocals.
Its very impressively constructed like I said, shes savvier than youd expect.
ArriettyI have no technical knowledge that would allow me to critique the literal quality of Arriettys flamenco performance.
And Michelle is right that the makeup did not make sense here.
Lydia B. KollinsIt started superstrong and ended pretty boring.
Needing a bit more from this girl.
Lucky StarzzzThis lemonade-themed number was a little reminiscent of the beloved/abhorred burger finger, but it otherwise worked.
Most newcomers to TV have trouble finding the lens that naturally.
Joella just … lip-syncs a song she wrote.
Theres no idea behind it, nothing to distinguish it, and the outfit is just fine.
Acacia ForgotThis ends up in the bottom, and I get why.
Standing with a guitar and singing a song that wasntthatfunny just isnt dynamic enough for TV.
Still, she has a nice voice, and the song was nice to listen to.
Id rewatch this before Id rewatch Joellas.
Shes clearly a drag queen first.
I think shes got the stuff.
They have to make their own decisions.
The ranking queens ultimately choose Jewels and Suzie as the top two.
I think thats right, though Lucky could have snuck in there without me thinking anything was off.
The top two then lip-sync to Womans World by Katy Perry.
It should have been a blowout!
I was shocked and excited.
Congrats to Suzie Toot, our new front-runner.
I hope you stay kind of weird and ugly.
Also onUntucked …
Perry comes backstage and still seems a little too stiff.
Im hoping that we have fewer backstage judges this season.
As I mentioned before, I thought theSquid Gamething was a stroke of genius.
yo, Joseph Shepherd, ask!
Shocked they let Lexi make a SheDevilByNight reference.
Ive been loving on Suzie a lot.
Something I didnt like was her saying They finally see that I am a real threat.
Girl, its the first week.
Kori is also the best at doingRate-a-Queendramatically.
Doesnt take any screen time for granted, that one.
Lucky has a precarious housing situation.
He said:
And he gave honorable mentions to E.T.
and Ur So Gay.
I think its crazy to have two postTeenage Dreamtracks in there (and told him as much!
), but Im not the one with the Pulitzer nomination.
