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Mike White needs to put on his big-boy snow pants and do a ski season ofThe White Lotusalready.
After three seasons in various iterations of paradise, fans are getting heatstroke.
We need the show to cold plunge into something bracing, thrilling, chilly.
Below, a list of requests were politely filing with the concierge.
Yodeling theme songComposer Cristobal Tapia de Veer isoutfor season four.
Why remove the hook?
Clean slate, they can bring back those catchy, haunting vocals … as ayodel.
Set the murder during Gaper Day where everyones indistinguishable, ripping down the slopes in neon wigs and costumes.
Thats a Gwyneth Paltrowski trial scenario waiting to happen.
Looks demand to be turned.
Someone loses their phone in the snowDoes it have a very incriminating voice memo on it?
Does it leave them stranded in the backwoods?
Is it merely the universe punishing them for their vacation-posting vanity?
Someone loses their gun in the snowBecause itsThe White Lotus.
Put that budget to good use, honey!
Homage toForce MajeureBecauseThe White Lotusis often just Ruben Ostlund in a different font.
They have to at leastwinkat it.
Him: sensitive, a good listener, has a goggle tan.
Sauna towel slipBig dogging in the banya.
This is an issue that will come up more than once.
Sandra Huller or Nina Hoss behind that manager deskFabien ought to have a much cooler sister whoalsowent into hospitality.
Death by exposureThe seasonbetteropen on a frozen corpse.
