The kids at school misunderstood Trachtenberg.
In our group of child stars, we all wanted to be like her.
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But it stuck with me for a different reason: She was beingniceto him.
Jonathan was five years younger than her, but she didnt treat him like an annoyance.
Oh no, you dont!
she said with a laugh, turning on him with her own ice cubes, and he giggled maniacally.
I had been nervous to meet her.
Michelle was only two years older than me, but in preteen years, that is an eon.
At age 9, I was forever impressed by, and intimidated by, Cool Older Girls.
I couldnt imagine she would want to talk to me, let alone be my friend.
I love that store!
I nodded and felt a surge of joy.
I shopped where the cool girl shopped!
To my surprise and delight, she wanted to keep talking to me.
Not only was she nice, I realized, but she was remarkably intelligent.
She was smart, but she was also self-possessed, and didnt need to show off.
I told her I couldnt wait.
Thats where I would find out it wasnt just me: Everybody fell in love with Michelle Trachtenberg.
But nearly all the child actors I knew spent their time volunteering with charities, and so did I.
She later went on to star inHarriet the Spyas Harriets best friend, aspiring scientist Janie.
I remember really looking forward to it.
After, wed gather at a restaurant usually Planet Hollywood or someones home.
Our parents were always present, and the teenagers would also keep an eye on the preteens.
We werent child stars; we were nerds.
We fuckinglivedfor those nights at Planet Hollywood, Chester says.
We were all too young even to go to teen clubs, so these were our social moments.
Michelle had donated her spy belt fromHarrietto Planet Hollywood, and Robin Williams gave one of hisMrs.
Michelle was a later addition to the group, but she quickly became the heart of it.
She was great at bringing people together, and was immediately a sibling to him, he recalls.
I got the message, he says with a laugh.
I had two little sisters!
And now he had three.
Harriet was the perfect role for her, says Tamberelli, because she was always inquisitive.
She sniffed it out so quick, he says.
She was like, Let me shuffle the deck.
I said, No, no, no!
You cant shuffle it!
You cant shuffle it!
She blew me up.
Being with the group in New York felt safe, the one place my mothers absence didnt haunt me.
Still, on the anniversary of her death, I burst into tears.
And what did we talk about at the sleepover?
Michelle, of course.
He said he was inlovewith Michelle, I said as we were brushing our teeth.
Yeah, not even a crush, but in love!
This was particularly scandalous to us because she already had a boyfriend.
He kept saying how jealous he was of my brother, she added.
I mean, shebelongsto God, Paris said, laughing.
I dont know that she and I ever kissed, Zane told me, as an adult.
It was very pure.
But for me, it felt like love.
Under it was the caption SCOOP: Michelle Trachtenberg and Zane Carney are an item!
I felt a bit embarrassed on their behalf, and I still do.
Imagine your middle-school dating life being discussed in a national magazine.
Michelle and I did events together all the next year.
You look adorable, she told me.
Youre like one of those limited edition collectible dolls.
There were only so many times I could fly out to New York.
Surely, I thought, shed be one of the beloved girls in school.
But that didnt happen.
Shes not, Id say, every time.
Id gotten the feeling she might have a feisty side, but that just made me like her more.
I remember wondering if the kids at school were jealous.
There was always a lot of resentment toward the kids whod made it.
While my career was on the wane, Michelles career was thriving.
Are the kids here mean to you?
Sometimes, I said.
Because they are to me, she said, tearing up.
I had never seen Michelle cry before.
Id never seen her anything other than perfectly composed and confident.
Thats what it was, I realized.
Thats why they said she was mean.
So much of being a child actor is about making everyone happy.
It felt cruelly ironic to be so hated when our raison detre was getting people to like us.
At the time, I was fortunate: I had supportive teachers and a solid friend group.
Now everyone was callingmea bitch.
I transferred to a different high school, one for the visual and performing arts.
Michelle must have also gone through it all.
We never talked about it, but I know that if I did, she did too.
I dont know how she got through it.
You had to be tough to weather the cruel misogyny of the 2000s and early 2010s.
(Shes from Brooklyn!
She always seemed to be working while mostly avoiding being tabloid fodder.
That, to me, was success.
Probably because, more than anything, she truly loved acting.
Even after I lost contact with her postmiddle school, she never failed to surprise me.
I was proud of her, and just like in middle school, I never stopped defending her.
She was a sweetheart.
But shes so good at playing a bitch!
Because shes a good actress, I said, rolling my eyes.
She was, I thought, wildly underrated.
Id see Michelle in a show or a magazine and smile, happy for her.
Would she want to be friends with me now?
Would she even remember me?
Last month, when I found outMichelle died, I was packing for a work trip.
I looked at my phone and felt my stomach drop.
My hands were shaking and my knees went weak I thought I might pass out.
I sat in a chair, and started to sob.
This wasnt supposed to happen.
She was too young.
Shed worked too hard.
To tell her the times we spent together as children were some of the best of my life.
I went through my Instagram and was instantly overwhelmed by all the tributes to her.
Comedians, musicians, actors, people Id met as adults.
My childhood friend is gone, I posted.
I didnt know why I did it.
It didnt feel like enough.
You knew her, too?
I found myself asking, again and again.
They did, or they knew people who did.
All the while, I couldnt stop thinking of my childhood friend group.
So many of them I had just recently begun to reconnect with.
I started texting and messaging all my friends whod known Michelle.
I needed them to know that I loved them and missed them.
Zane had stayed in touch with Michelle the longest.
She did not miss a beat, said Zane.
There was so much of, like, oh my God, what did we go through?
We were like 9 years old!
Laughter about how we made it through, and stayed positive.
I told him about the other boys who had crushes on Michelle, and my and Pariss proto-feminist critique.
But I was glad theyd had each other.
I was glad we hadallhad each other.
It only got more complicated when social media came around.
And being a kid is complicated enough on its own.
Its not nostalgic about childhood.
It shows the good and the bad.
I wouldnt want to be a child again, I thought.
