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It is with this Kenny Ortegaapproved media-analysis method that we tackle the videography of pop superstar Lady Gaga.
Hats are one of her classic storytelling channels, and shes a genius innovator in the field.
60.Kindness Punk Battle Armor (Stupid Love)
60.
We dive straight into the world of attention-grabbing headwear with this … thing.
A proper fitting would do her wonders.
59.The Wide-Brim Hat That Makes You Take Risks (John Wayne)
59.
Not unlike thePolar Expresshobo, Gaga has made a nice life for herself atop her lovers moving vehicle.
58.Nebraska Bridal Chic (You and I)
58.
This is a pretty straightforward bridal veil.
very efficiently, even though its design leaves much to be desired.
57.Princess of Artpop (Applause)
57.
Its not very daring, though, and the piece itself does little to propel the story forward.
56.Variations on Joanne (Joanne)
56.
This low placement is not a comment on the quality of the hats.
Beautiful hats, even!
But they exist outside of the Lady Gaga hat ethos.
They are less art pieces and more agents of ambience.
Gaga, a visionary, understands this.
They perform their role, but there is nothing dramatic about them.
55.Ursa Major (G.U.Y.)
Ambiguity aside, it is the least interesting of the four things anchored on Gagas head in the G.U.Y.
54.Little Red Riding Hood (Beautiful, Dirty, Rich)
54.
She wears it to roll around in money, chew on money, burn money, and smoke money.
53.Hat on a Technicality (Bad Romance)
53.
All of that said, its akin to a nepo baby in the world of Gaga hats.
Its recognizable, but its not necessarily fun to root for it.
52.Captain Gaga (Just Dance)
52.
I banish the thought!
51.Medical Marvel (You and I)
51.
Weve all been there!
A perfectly fine hat!
50.Presumably Prescription Chrome Helmet (Paparazzi)
50.
The helmet is seen briefly, but not so briefly that its mere existence becomes funny.
It simply makes its point and departs.
49.Sneaky Little Cat Hat (Bad Romance)
49.
In Lady Gagas hands, a hat is perhaps the most effective storytelling tool.
Aside from, like, music.
48.Shiny Arrest Hennin (Paparazzi)
48.
47.Shy Pillbox (Beautiful, Dirty, Rich)
47.
Shes kind of coy about this one!
Its okay, Lady Gaga, come out from the corner and show us your little pillbox hat.
Thats nothing to be ashamed of!
46.The Floral Guitar Pick of Immobility (911)
46.
Lady Gaga is, in fact, inside this tulip bulb with eyeholes.
Hats are about fun, and this key part of the Lady Gaga music-video ethos is lacking here.
45.Humble Yellow Beret (The Edge of Glory)
45.
Not her best, but its also not trying to be.
44.Little Black Beanie (Applause)
44.
This little cap is vital because it acts as a blank canvas, a launching pad for loftier visions.
The face paint would be rendered powerless if we could see her hair!
Her giant white inflatable rectangle would be meaningless without the chic black base!
For all of its functions, though, the hat is unremarkable.
43.Poke a 911 (911)
43.
This taps into the true joy of a Lady Gaga music-video hat.
Its there to be art!
Its there to take up space!
42.Solemn Baseball Hat (Million Reasons)
42.
A simple hat is the clearest sign of a Lady Gaga in distress.
This hat betrays an awareness of her hat habit.
She knows how to harness the power of juxtaposition to drive the narrative forward.
41.Paparazzi Plumage (Paparazzi)
41.
This dramatic feathered number is worn exclusively to thrash around under a strobe light during the Paparazzi bridge.
The mystery makes it all the more alluring.
40.Worst-Case Scenario Wedding Veil (Judas)
40.
A rare instance of a specific hat worn for a crime to be committedagainstGaga.
39.Kindness Punk Casualwear (Stupid Love)
39.
This headpiece-mask combination has a more stable relationship with reality than does the other Kindness Punk uniform.
Its sleeker, it appears to protect Gagas face, and it doesnt obscure her vision.
A marked improvement upon the earlier battle armor.
This is much more likely to serve her in the fight for the soul of Chromatica.
38.Hello, Gorgeous (Telephone)
38.
The primary theme of the Telephone video is that Beyonce is a very good friend.
This is how you know Beyonce has the patience of a saint.
37.Playing With the Form (Born This Way)
37.
36.Sir Gaga (LoveGame)
36.
35.Good-bye, Gaga (G.U.Y.)
After Lady Gaga, who began the G.U.Y.
She is then mercifully sunk into a regulation swimming pool by a cadre of dancers.
34.Monastic Latex Hood (Alejandro)
34.
This garment has no clear religious meaning, but it evokes monkhood and communicates devotion to a Christian God.
33.Shawty Fire Burning on the Dance Floor (Marry the Night)
33.
Its the kind of hat and shot that lets you know Gaga is serious about storytelling and filmmaking.
32.Genre-Defying Hair Hat (Paparazzi)
32.
This piece epitomizes the idea of a border.
Its existence challenges the very laws of nature.
After all, if we dont have Gagas word, what do we have?
On the other hand, this is a piece of intentional art in the space.
It makes itself known.
It feels wrong to ignore it.
This is easily Gagas most thought-provoking hat.
Its ability to challenge the viewer and to defy categorization is awe-inspiring.
Never would Lady Gaga be shy and hesitant about wearing Bradley Coopers Jackson Maine hat.
Pop musics own Ally Maine (nee Campana), on the other hand, is a different story.
Why did you do that?Lady Gaga would never ask questions about a hat thrust upon her.
She would simply embody it.
Her portrayal of Allys skittishness and inexperience around hats is how you know shes a gifted actress.
30.Mother (Just Dance)
30.
Ratburn (Bad Romance)
29.
28.Telephone: The Appetizer Round (Telephone)
28.
No more crowns and ornate feathered caps!
This is hat designing by way ofChopped, and police tape was one of the ingredients in the basket.
What does Alex Guarnaschelli think?
27.La Viuda Negra (Alejandro)
27.
Shes lost an unconditional love!
26.Crawl, Crawl, Fashion Baby (Bad Romance)
26.
At her most vulnerable and exposed, she still wears this upside-down crystal cereal bowl crown.
25.Mistress Mayhems Boater Hat (Abracadabra)
25.
24.Chic Little Crown (Bad Romance)
24.
This feels so clean and classic.
The all black, the sunglasses, the Jughead-esque floppy crown.
Its delightful to look at, and it receives extra points in the comical lack of narrative contribution category.
23.Chin Up, Queen, Your Giant White Shako Is Slipping (G.U.Y.)
The mere fact that this hat has a chin strap elevates it past the halfway point.
It has all the makings of something quintessential, but it cant quite crack the top 20.
22.Hats of the Apostles (Judas)
22.
The image of the Sacred Heart appears again on this blue hood in the Judas video.
It also gets its fair share of screen time so we can really take it in.
21.Sister Gaga (Alejandro)
21.
Mixed reviews, then.
But it got people talking!
20.Vehicular Manslaughter Wide-Brim (Disease)
20.
This hat is good for more than just vehicular manslaughter, though!
19.Yes, Stef!
(Telephone)
19.
Here, she cunningly blends in with a chefs toque so no one suspects her of a murder plot.
18.Just Wanted to Take Another Look at You (Alejandro)
18.
This is simply a great hat.
A little black crown with tentaclesandgoggles?
This is exactly the kind of meeting of form and function that defines a Gaga hat.
Thats what the lacy goggles are for.
But should she have to sacrifice fashion for such a weighty responsibility?
Connect the goggles to a gorgeous little crown, and were in business.
17.Im Gonna Keep on Dancing in My White Pokey Crown (Bad Romance)
17.
16.Structural Scuba Cap (Poker Face)
16.
It then enjoys a long stay in the video by being heavily featured in the following dance sequence.
14.Patient Name: L. Gaga (Marry the Night)
14.
Its part of a longer monologue about how she prefers to remember things in an artistic way.
The lie of it all is much more honest because I invented it, she continues.
Its very simple, though, a testament to her ability to create beauty out of very little.
(Telephone)
13.
Getting gifts for people is not hard when you pay attention to what they like!
12.Thumbs-up (Judas)
12.
This is a prime example of a Lady Gaga video hat.
First of all, it takes up a massive amount of space.
Third, she looks great.
Its huge, its velvety, its burdensome.
11.Jaunty Bathroom Disc (Marry the Night)
11.
This hat is worn to signify Gaga fully embracing her status as a disruptor.
She takes pride and can find humor in the ostentatiousness of her hats.
10.ThePink Joanne Hat (Million Reasons and John Wayne)
10.
The first inter-video headwear!
It forces you to ponder the idea that she could have picked a different one.
What would have been the implications?
Would the art itself have been different?
This pink hat would, of course, become synonymous with the era.
9.Joanne: Full Throttle (John Wayne)
9.
This black version of theJoannesilhouette is nothing special, visually speaking.
Lets get that out of the way.
But it beats out the original by one spot on the list simply because it seems to be indestructible.
This, of course, begs the question: Which feltlike material is stronger than glass?
It has no doubt pushed thousands into STEM fields.
8.Birdwoman or (the Expected Virtue of Giggy-ness) (G.U.Y.)
Another inspired addition to the Lady Gaga wears a specific hat to commit a crime canon!
Shes flipped the script!
7.Bucolic Black Disc (You and I)
7.
6.Beach Day in Hell (Abracadabra)
6.
One second in, and shes experimenting with hats in a way some artists can only dream of.
She wears this to reveal the category, Dance or Die, and its really a very commanding piece.
New to the family but undeniably impactful.
It appeared for the first time roughly a month ago, and it already feels like home.
5.Alexander Graham Bell Pre-Fall 2010 (Telephone)
5.
This is Forget it, Jake.
Its Blake Lively asking Anna Kendrick for a simple favor.
Its Greta Gerwig folding the Frances Ha name tag into the mailbox at her new apartment.
My God … theres the telephone!
Its the titular telephone!
And its a striking bright blue!
And shes wearing it while she makes poison!
Its cheeky, its funny, its a structural delight, and its a work of art.
In short, its a top-five Lady Gaga hat.
4.Red (Gagas Version) (911)
4.
Its also her first big hat sinceArtpop, which means its a return to form!
A giant hat with narrative meaning and choreography designed to highlight that meaning?
Yeah, thats an upper-echelon hat.
3.Princess of Peace (Judas)
3.
This can only mean one thing: Lady Gaga should write her own edition of the Bible.
2.Go Big or Go Home (Marry the Night)
2.
At the risk of sounding likeStefon Meyers, this hat has everything.
(3) Its absolutely huge …
(4) … Comically so.
Even she is impressed by the sheer space these things take up!
And finally …
(5) … Its a very cool, ornately constructed piece of fashion.
Its a fantastic, avant-garde, weird, silly hat.
1.Icarus (Telephone)
1.
This hat is in itself a short story.
By taking up a quarter of the space in her car with her ostentatious hat.
But its a terrible overestimation of the dimensions of the Pussy Wagon cabin.
Both of them seem embarrassed by the size of the hat here.
Again, the theme of the Telephone video is that Beyonce is a very good, patient friend.
All in all, this is the platonic ideal of a Lady Gaga music-video hat.
Long may she reign!
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