The HBO docuseries puts all his relationships to the test.
Hes still living with the aftermath.
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Its been a wild couple years,Jerrod Carmichaelsays.
Carmichael finds difficult discussions easier with cameras nearby.
(The series is directed by his friend andCarmichael Showco-creator Ari Katcher.)
When we meet, hes jotting thoughts in a notepad.
Ive reduced coming out to this: You have to tell your mom what kind of sex youre into.
Most people dont have to.
My brother just showed up with kids.
You dont really have to have that conversation with your family.
A lot of people dont even have that deep of a conversation with theirfriends.
Coming out has inspired me to have all types of deep and uncomfortable conversations.
My boyfriend came out as a teenager.
As a kid, to stand that firmly in who you are I did not have the courage.
I barely had the courage at 30.
After coming out, two things happened.
I regressed in many ways.
The moments in life that madeRothanielalso inspired this.
Is whats captured in the show those scary things?Yeah.
You asked me what I wrote down.
I like to write my thoughts, especially about things Im going to do.
I get that.Theres something even aboutthe marketing of it allthats been tough to deal with.
The production didnt feel formal in that way.
Tell me about the logistics of that.
I can only focus on my relationship with them and things that I have ownership over.
I dont know how much of it is immoral.
I wasnt in the editing room because if Im going to give myself over, I cant be precious.
They captured me beinguncoolbecause I was trying to be cool.
It can see past the performance, and that is never good.
Im definitely heavily critical of myself inPoor Things.
That was before my last special.
Even with my own shows, Im just so different on-camera than what I was at that time.
In what way?Im less afraid of them and less aware of them.
Ive accepted cameras for the lie-detector test that they are.
Ive relinquished the need for control when theres a lens nearby.
The last special was really an exercise in letting go and really showing myself on-camera.
Was that tall anonymous manBo Burnham?Anonymous is anonymous.
Anonymous is a friend.
Thats all Ill say about it.
Christmas with them without a camera feels like more of a performance than whats in the show.
Thanksgiving is a performance.
Thats me being the good son.
So the camera is liberating.Its reason not to perform.
With the cameras, its where I perform the least.
It unshackles you from being on the way you feel you have to be at Christmas.Yes.
The conversations you see on the show are an excuse to say what I really want to say.
Over turkey is not necessarily the right moment.
Would you have had those conversations without this show?I dont think so.
I dont think I was brave enough.
Its just never the right time.
If someone texts me we need to talk, Ill never speak to them again.
It could be devastating.
You should have told me in that text.
Did including it anyway ever give you pause?I just dont know why I would hide it.
I was terrified of that conversation.
In fact, I had a conversation with my mom inHome Videos, the documentary I made before that.
I asked him to leave the house, but he wanted to know what was said.
My brother had to drag him out of the house to get him away.
Its because we were going to have as truthful a conversation as wed ever had.
At that point, that was as honest as I knew how to be.
I half came out in a cowardly way.
A lot of the show has brought me to a place of closure and peace.
Its definitely challenged all my relationships, but I think it was worth it.
Part of whats difficult even talking about it now is that Im still in it.
Im dealing with that in real time.
If we were doing this interview a year from now, Id be able to reflect on it.
Who is angry?Everybody.
Everybodys either angry or concerned, because obviously you only look for yourself in it.
There was a quote from the Ronan FarrowNew YorkerRuPaul interviewthat I sent to my boyfriend.
They must have done something to make me look like that.
… No, we dont do that.
The difference is these arent just people in a competition.
Nobody wanted to do it.
I wanted them to do it, so people are doing it for the love of me.
Unfortunately, what makes it a good show is the reluctance.
What was it like to get Tyler to participate?It was difficult.
You see it in the show.
It was, Hey, I want to have a conversation with you on-camera.
Well, its something I find hard to talk to you about not on-camera.
People do it out of respect for me, but its hard.
My dad said no.
My brother had to fly with him to New York to get him on the plane to do it.
Where does your relationship with Tyler stand now?Im thankful that he did it.
Thats pretty much it.
Even in my own relationship Im thankful that my boyfriend is in the show.
Hes such a private person, and I was asking for a lot.
And youre becoming increasingly less private.
I know you said its like a second adolescence.Yeah, and this is what my life looks like day-to-day.
I asked my friend Lionel Boyce, whos inThe Bear, if he recognizes me in the show.
I share everything in my life with him.
He knows things we didnt even have room to get into on the show.
Hes someone I completely trust.
I sent it to him, and he said, This is exactly what you be doing all day.
I think anyone who allows this much access is complex.
Its a scary thing to do.
By graduation, I mean another level of exposing yourself.
Its surprising how many people are down.
I mean, we are in the era of OnlyFans and Twitter.
But most of those people dont end up on HBO.But, you know, whats the difference?
Its all just different corners of the internet.
Now, Im like, Hi, Im Jerrod.
This is a thing Im filming for HBO.
Its easy to perform a piece of myself in hookups.
Even the sex itself is in some ways a performance of porn or something.
Its actually more personal than its ever been, and funnier because its personal.
Ive never been someone who considered themselves to even have an audience.
Ive always thought I was resetting with every show.
Like, you dont know a thing about me and I have to explain.
Now, audiences are more familiar with me, and Im getting used to that.
Theres something very fun in that thats allowed the shows to go deeper.
Are you interested in dippingback into fiction?Nonfiction has always had my attention.
I call things I really love a documentary.
I thinkPhantom Threadis a documentary.
Daniel Day-Lewis treats it as such: He becomes the person to document them.
So watchingThe Sopranos, Im like,Man, this is so real.
Im hoping his character gets offed because its taking me out of it.
I see this star, like,Why is Steve Buscemi in this documentary?
I love things that feel internal and honest.
