Save this article to read it later.
Find this story in your accountsSaved for Latersection.
Disney and Universal have been in a cold war for tourist cash since the 90s.
Every time one company brings an innovation to the game, the other goes, Uhhhhh, us too!
When Universal announced its first Orlando park, Disney tried to beat it with Hollywood Studios.
When Universal did a Conan show, Disney rebutted withFantasmic!Then the dragoncaught fire.
But who is really winning the theme-park wars?
Conventional wisdom saysDisney is No.
1, but is that really the case?
Disney parks are currently weathering bad press about their underwhelming space hotels and Marvel lands.
Meanwhile, Universal is about to unveil a whole new park with a dedicated land for classicUniversal Monsters.
To come to grips with the contest, we need to break it down topic by topic.
Halloween Horror Nights vs. Mickeys Not So Scary Halloween!
Walts Scotch vs. Duff Beer!
Clarabelle Cow vs. Frankensteins monster!
Which theme reigns supreme?
One of those spas where women took rest cures that probably involved electroshock therapy?
Disney World had all of these.
But the latest hotels have been disappointing, and the rethemes have been disgraceful.
TheIncredibles rethemeof the Contemporary hotel is such an HGTV, safety-over-stylewomp-wompof a redo.
Why are you prepping a historic hotel for resale, Disney?
Like the redo of the Contemporary, its a throwback to mid-century modern design.
But what Universal did differently and I know this is radical for a theme park is make it fun.
It pops with color, and the surfaces are Googie curvalicious.
And Universal properties are priced like normal hotels.
Even the cheap Disney hotels are priced like five-star hotels anywhere else.
Winner:Universal.When in Orlando, visit the Disney resorts but stay at Universal.
robots that talk, sing, and lecture you about the Civil War.
Its beat is low-impact, highly detailed rides for the whole family.
Plus screens, screens, and more screens!
Winner:A tie!
Just look at theVelociCoastervs.
the E-Ticket ride at the Avengers Campus.
Whats that,they never built it?
Disney does a lot of work to see to it you cant see Anaheim in Disneyland.
It frames your gaze like youre the movie camera, and the mise-en-scene is immaculate.
Have you seen Radiator Springs at dusk?
It will make you weep.
Theres also this one weirdly shaped tree in Frontierland.
Its really pointy at the top, and why?
To block yoursight linesof the Matterhorn.
You cant see the Swiss Alps in an Old West country town that would be crazy.
Thats the level of care Disney takes with everything.
Universal:Unlike Disneyland, Universal Hollywood makes a feature of being smack-dab in the middle of North Hollywood.
Theres a scenic overlook of Burbank on the Universal Starway.
The gag is that youre on a studio backlot and you are!
Speaking of sound bleed, theres this quaint French courtyard in Universal Hollywood.
Its scenic, calm, and always full of available seating.
It would be the perfect place to work from home except the damn Minions are always yelling at you.
Its a business campus.
Can you imagine a more exotic, exciting locale?
Yes, you’ve got the option to.
Universal:Okay, lets talk aboutitsMarvel land!
Marvel Superhero Island at Islands of Adventure is colorful, peppy, and has the X-Men.
And it actually feels dangerous.
On the Universal Spider-Man ride, you are personally menaced by Doc Ock.
You are a super-janitor.
Disney also has classics like the corn dog and the Dole Whip, which are icons for a reason.
That being said, the vegan Ronto Wrap at Galaxys Edge is Gods perfect sandwich.
And we cannot forget Mythos, the Worlds Best Theme Park Restaurant, according tothat banner.
But in general, this is the kind of theme-park food they would make fun of onTiny Toons.
Never mind that Walt built not one, not two, butthree secret barsinto Disneyland.
Universal:Drinking at Universal is de rigueur.
Im pretty sure Beetlejuice would ice you if given half the chance.
Holidays
Disney:Few things are as magical as Main Street USA at Christmastime.
Except maybe Cars Land at Halloween/Dia de los Muertos.
Theres anofrendafor Doc Hudson how cute is that?
And the nightly fake snow in winter is a joy.
But Disney paywalls most of its holiday stuff in separately ticketed events.
If you want to celebrate Pride at Disney, itll set you back over $100.
Universal:Universal does not fuck around when it comes to Halloween.
Halloween Horror Nights (especially in Orlando) set the standard for haunts across the globe.
And Grinchmas is excellent counterprogramming for the more feel-good winter-holiday activities at other, less in-your-face theme parks.
), things are only looking up.
Maleficent, the other queer icon.
Universal:The edge Universal actors have over Disney cast members is that they can razz you.
Frankenstein and the Bride are becoming a legendary double act; pleasego on TikTokto see theirbodyof work.
Because theyre reanimated dead bodies.)
Plus, there are theserandom New Yorkerswho just yell at you from their apartment windows.
Many an improviser has made this their day job, and we stan.
Lore
Disney:Walt Walt Walt Walt.
Its all Walt, all the time.Walts chili, Waltsspecial lamp, Waltsfrozen head.
Waltsfavorite drink: Scotch over ice.
Theres even an upcharge tour at Disneyland where you canwalk in Walts steps.
Its weird seeing a saint canonized in real time, no?
Oh, and Universal Hollywood ishaunted as fuck(allegedly).
Lines
Disney:The Disney parks have been shafting their annual pass holders recently.
In theory, this should make lines more manageable, right?Defunctlandis laughing in your face right now.
A pox on every Disney theme-park app, I say!
Plus, no app integration!
Cost and Value
First, some overall cost basics.
Heres what two days at a park and two nights at a hotel might cost one adult.
): $611 total
Disney:Theme-park heads used to speak of the Disney difference.
Fans say even their disability accommodations have beenmassively scaled back.
Universal:My Universal Annual Pass monthly payment just wentdown.Wild shit.
Wi-Fi
Disney:Any Disney-park trip in 2024 is a battle with its Wi-Fi.
To do even the simplest thing, like order food, you have to use Disneys buggy-ass app.
Universal:How good is Universals Wi-Fi?
Im using it right now to write this story.
Thats right: This whole story has been composed in Cletus Chicken Shack, right next to Spider-Pig.
Now if youll excuse me, Im gonna get a Big Pink.
Universal is where the heat is now.
