Death and Other Details
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Not to be dramatic or anything, but cruises are actual hell on earth.
Like, Cruise People, what are you doing with your lives?
All while you are just floating out in the middle of the sea?
Honestly, the only thing that could make cruises worse than they already are is murder.
Speaking of, welcome to the S.S.Varuna!
Red herrings will infuriate us!
And we will get to watch Mandy Patinkin play the gruff-but-kindly bearded detective he was always meant to play.
Sounds like it could be a fun, albeit deadly, time, right?
Regardless, I hope youve packed your sea legs, people, because we are off.
Sorry if thats callous, but thats cruise life, baby.
Its all very complicated!
Thats a whole lot of people to keep track of, and that doesnt even include the staff.
Thats right, friends!
Do we need all of these characters?
Do you see why I said that thing about needing to kill a few off?
I bet you do.
So can we start killing a few off?Geez, well get to it!Now whos callous?
But first, we should get to the most important introduction of all: Ms. Imogene Scott.
(For those clothes?
Ill allow it!)
That man would be one Mr. Rufus Cotesworth.
This is a job he should be pretty good at since Cotesworth is very familiar with that family.
Was that shoe you remember black or red?
Was the car small or big?
Was it actually white?
Were not dealing with completely reliable narrators here.
And whether thats on purpose or done subconsciously, well, perhaps time will tell!
At this point, though, we can deal only with whats presented to us.
Her mother appreciated Imogenes cleverness but, regardless, told Imogene to return the cart.
Imogene knew who Rufus was.
She read his books and immediately put her trust in him.
He desperately wanted to solve this case for her.
According to Imogene, after that, the Colliers stopped funding Rufus and she never heard from him again.
And then he shows up on this fucking boat.
When Imogene overhears Rufus regaling people with stories of his great detective days, she can hardly stand it.
This is not the only time Imogene lashes out in anger.
Imogene rightly freaks out.
Unfortunately, she finds someone has already beaten her to the punch: Rufus Cotesworth.
They were on theVarunato solve a case and not just any case.
They were there to finally figure out what happened to Imogenes mother.
It turns out Rufus never really gave up on her.
So what happened to Danny?
According to Winnie, the cart was ordered from Tripps room by a woman with an American accent.
Rufus deduces that the woman must be Tripps hookup, Alexandra.
Everyone seems to dismiss her as psychotically paranoid.
Apparently, her temperament changed not too long ago after a horrible car accident.
Since then, she has been under the impression that someone is following her.
But Leila is also the only person who realized Keith was not who he said he was.
Leilas instincts are very, very good.
And Im sorry, but no one would willingly describe themselves as a writer of clickbait.
Theres got to be much more to Leilas story.
The suspects er, passengers get rattled, and when people are rattled, they start to make mistakes.
Its perfect timing, then, for Interpols best man to arrive onboard.
Shes hooking up with Jules, yes, but shes also hard-core flirting with Sunil.
A murder mystery and juggling hot mens feelings?
Imogene is spreading herself thin, I fear!
Trust no one, baby!
Did everyone catch that other interesting interaction on the security cameras?
I spied Katherine getting cozy with Father Toby in the chapel.
Have Tripp and Alexandra been hooking up since before the cruise?
And when Alexandra dumps him after the interrogations, will it really stick?
And what in the hell is up with those bright-blue smoothies we always see Lawrence drinking?
Truth be told, river cruises can get it.
But my opinions on ocean cruises will stand the test of time.
