Bad Monkey

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Successful criminals need to have discipline, a plan, patience, and cunning.

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Eve and Nick have exactly zero of these qualities.

For the most part, theyre cruel idiots.

In the span of an hour, the duo goes from a vapid-and-vaguely-icky couple to totalDexterbait.

(SeeFargo,A Simple Plan, etc.)

Not so with Eve and Nick.

Eve, on the other hand, might just be a full-on sociopath.

Even though the director clearly dislikes her, she has the lead role in the Ghost play!

That seems like a big reaction!

Then, she unleashes a bubbly torrent of cackles when her tiny dog trots around in Heathers blood.

To be completely fair, Nick should have seen all of this coming.

From the early moments of their truly bonkers relationship, Eve has always had his balls in a vice.

Eve, who has always just wanted someone to take care of her, is fully smitten.

Shes hot, hes doting and rich, and its a match made in Florida heaven.

Honestly, the age difference isnt even that crazy for Florida.

But Eve keeps upping the ante in terms of what a good provider will provide for her.

This is wholly unacceptable to Eve, who has gotten used to living a life of luxury.

So Nick comes up with the idea to fake his own death.

At first, he says hes going to cut off two of his fingers to make it look real.

All it takes is one side-eye from his wifey for him to up the ante.

Hell take off his arm instead.

And, of course, his good friend Izzy will be the one to do it.

Its unclear what Izzy is getting out of this part of the scam.

Or maybe hes just being a good friend.

TheDextervibes are so strong, guys.

Im just itching for a crossover where Dexter kills these fools.

Maybe Ill write a fanfic.

So Nick kills his bestie in cold blood.

This is pretty egregious and gross, but the city thinks that Mendez can stay on.

And they give Yancy the boot for his general attitude about, well, everything.

This is why Miami cant have nice things!

But then he shakes his head for a minute and asks Eve why she would have read it.

And clearly she learned all the wrong lessons from it.

Tom Nowicki is continuing to kill it on the voice-over narration.

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