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The show stars formerVPRSURvers Jax Taylor, Brittany Cartwright, and Kristen Doute.
Jax and Brittany are joined in wedded(?)
bliss (???)
Meanwhile, their friendKristen yearns for motherhood despite never dating even one suitable potential father.
The Valleyis full of people taking their second shot at reality-TV fame.
Taylor and Cartwrighteither quit or were firedfromVPRin 2020.
Doute wasdefinitely firedfromVanderpumpthat same year,after calling the police on fellowPumper Faith Stowers.
(Stowers is Black, and in 2020 Bravo was taking racism seriously.)
Whyd Kristen do it?
Because Faith slept with Jax while he was dating Brittany.
But in fairness, Kristen has also slept with Jax.
And may have slept with Brittany?
All season, Kristen Doute had been denying sleeping with Jax Taylor.
Jax is her best friend Stassis on-again, off-again paramour.
Hes her boyfriend Tom Sandovals best friend who isnt also named Tom.
Except she would, and she did, while they were watchingDriveand Sandoval was sleeping in the next room.
.Extra Credit:Drive
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Jax has met a girl in Vegas named Brittany.
Doute has broken up with Tom by now, and is dating James Kennedy.
In this episode, we see Detective Doute use Kennedys Uber receipts to prove he cheated.
But she doesnt break up with him, dragging this thing out for the rest of the season.
But the rumor and the fights it inspires need another episode to mature.
Jasmine was a bachelorette duringNick Vialls era, and her season ofBachelor in Paradiseis notorious for its toxicity.
Now lets see this energy match against Jax Taylor, like and thank you.
We can listen to Wells and Alexis all day.
Even Brittanys ex is in the mix.
It seems now, after one season ofThe Valley,Brittany has finally decided to listen.
Plus, theres a whole scene about Mamaws beer cheese, as featured atJaxs Studio City.
Yes, Im counting all ofScandovalin this estimation.
Then we find out Faith recorded Jax shit-talking Brittany, and sent the audio to James.
This episode and the one that follows it gives Brittany her catchphrase: rawt in hell.
We also get a cameo from Jaxs motorized cooler.
He shakes it and shakes it because he loves to see the bug panic.
He gins up (tequilas up?
The married Schwartz woke up in another resort, which should be a bigger deal!
Instead, everyone is trying Doute for crimes against fidelity.
Dance, little bug, dance.
She eats flowers from a bush, she falls down a lot, shes compared to a drunken giraffe.
We also see Jax heroicallynotcheat on his fiancee.
We never thought wed get here.
The dude was wildly homophobic, which didnt fly with the queer-adjacentVanderpump Rulesbrand.
Luckily, Lance Bass stepped in to officiate the wedding?
Lance Bass is just one of the inexplicable things about Jax and Brittanys wedding.
Why is Larry Birkhead there?
Why did Kristen bring Carter even though (1) hes awful and (2) they broke up?
Doute is team Brittany now, for better or worse.
Plus theres a teeny-tiny clip of Brittanys GBFF Zack, who eventually makes his way toThe Valley.
Hes bad at competing with people like Omarosa, but hes exquisite at stirring up shit with Kristen Doute.
