Sometimes theyll ask us tobring the sun.
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Their research goes beyond the usual notes on allergies and coffee orders.
I knoweverything, says Hannes Schneider, the hotels handsome, six-foot-six Austrian resort manager.
I know when you arrive, what kind of car you have.
I have a picture of you.
I know if youve stayed at other Four Seasons.
You are on permanent surveillance, says Schneider, fixing me with his unwavering, ice-blue stare.
Whatever you say, whatever you do will be observed.
HBO bought out the entire resort for two months in early 2024.
He had this very negative-feeling spiritually about Koh Samui, says David Bernad, the shows producer.
Then, while in Chiang Mai, he was hospitalized with bronchitis and given a nebulizer.
He took the nebulizer, and he hallucinated, explains Bernad.
He visualized all of season three in a drugged haze.
Thailand is a witchy place, he adds.
Most guests were white, except for the nannies, of whom there seemed to be one per child.
A vacation for 50-, 60-, 70-thousand dollars is normal for them, says Schneider of his guests.
Youre dealing with people who have everything in life, Schneider says.
Everything is handed to them on a silver platter.
They are business tycoons, celebrities, jet-setters as in, they travel exclusively on jets.
Sometimes, so many jets arrive with people bound for this resort they clog up the islands only airport.
They described the Four Seasons clientele as older and more refined than at other hotels in the area.
Youll come across people named Book, Plate, Shoe).
In the spa, people have physical and emotional issues, says Fan Mekloy, the spa director.
How do they handle ultrastressed guests?
Keep calm all the time, says Tipfy, shrugging.
We dont go into guest rooms, and we dont shit in their suitcases.
It is not in their nature to be aggressive, says Assi.
If you show aggression to them, they will go into a cocoon.
It seems to be the hotels mantra, and is a point of pride for everyone I speak to.
The proposal took place at midnight.
Schneider once welcomed a famous singer with a working gramophone made of sugar.
Everybody does a big chocolate block, he says, disdainfully.
How can you really woo them?
Still, regular guests receive an unusual level of service.
I didnt have to use my brain, says a guest who honeymooned at the hotel last summer.
Within seconds the staff had swept me to a new table, offering Champagne, napkins, heartfelt apologies.
The vomit vanished as if by magic, and the offending child was whisked to the beach.
They all come back right away, he adds, with some satisfaction.
What we would like to do is bring Thailandintothe hotel.
This is largely because of its instructor, Aan Deesamer.
He is ripped and tattooed, with a silver chain and matching tooth for extracome and get me.
Hes from Liverpool, and his accent completes the impression that youre scrapping with a Guy Ritchie character.
He torments me the entire class; when I tell him Im tired, he laughs.
Do you think I care if youre tired?
Make me feel pain.
When I nail him in the stomach, he actually rolls his eyes.
Why do guests pay $73 to get negged for 60 minutes?
We dont get spoiled here, he says.
The guests are just normal human beings.
Guests will sometimes antagonize Deesamer, really give a shot to fight him.
Once he knocked out a belligerent American.
I got behind him to make a choke.
Okay, I said.
kindly, tap if you feel yourself going to sleep.
Shouldnt take longer than ten seconds.
He was too stubborn to tap.
He collapsed to the ground.
His daughter screamed, You killed my dad!
I said, No, no.
Hes taking a rest.
He woke up, said, What happened to me?
I said: I just put you to sleep.
He doesnt often humble guests, but sometimes it feels like part of the job.
Especially with rich men.
Because theyre powerful in their world and have so much money.
But this is my world now.
He was on his phone, on his watch.
I stood and waited for him for five minutes, says Deesamer.
Before they started boxing, he says, Schwarzenegger began to complain about sore shoulders.
So I ask him to explain to me the problem.
He says, Oh, it doesnt matter.
Just showed me no respect at all.
I know who he is, you know what I mean?
But come on, youre in my home.
(Bernad, the shows producer, later tells me thatTheWhite Lotusactors can morph into their characters throughout filming.
Forty or so workers rise at the crack of dawn to fight an endless battle with nature.
The hotel recently rebuilt the beach, shipping in tons of sand after winter storms.
Guests still complain about the elements, as if the Four Seasons could control them, too.
The waters too salty.
Acknowledging their desires seems to be more important than actually sending the monks, magicians, and pastry gramophones.
What everybody wants is recognition, says one manager.
If they get through skills training, instructors will hold onto them throughout the entire dive.
Its a matter of listening to them.
Then finding a solution for them, but more give them the illusion of choice.
In the end, the guest still believes he makes a decision.
I ask the managers if they ever draw lines with requests.
Schnieder says the hotel wont buy you weed, but theyll tell you where to get it.
When I ask Assi if he lives on resort, he laughs.
No, no, no, I refused.
A guy like me will go crazy here, man.
